I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
