Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
