If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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