at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
