3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
