Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
