Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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