I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's the barista slut.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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