I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize