My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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