Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
