When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
