She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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