Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize