This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Vodka?
Forever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
