Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
