I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
