Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
