Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
