Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
