My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how drunk are you?
Several
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
