You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
