she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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