drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize