I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
