So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
