Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
