listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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