don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
