You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
