sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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