Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
