Pants 0. Shit 1.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
