It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
