We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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