Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
