I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
