Can i not drive my cunt home
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
