Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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