I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
