Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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