I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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