the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
