words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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