yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
