i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
