she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
