Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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