He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
