i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
