Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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