He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
