just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
