It's Friday. Sex?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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