I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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