these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
