Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
