Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
