i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
