i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
