Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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