Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
