so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
