You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
