I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
