I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
