Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize